Disappointment

Life is full of them, isn't it? It ties in with my last post of hope. Disappointment is the result of failed hope. I'm not sure why so many people believe optimism is the key to life. It is a sentence to be continually disappointed. That makes me a skeptic, and to, an extent, a nihilist because, for the most part, the only cauastive factor is another person. I'm a realist. People have just hurt me, and continue to do so. History repeats it self.

In one of my last posts, I spoke about defining your life through your choices. It is my choice to be a skeptic, and a nihilist because I want to control the outcomes in life. I do not want to leave it to 'chance'. The decision has already been concluded. There is no middle ground for me. Things do not hang in the air for me, ever. I try, and I try my best, to sculpt my life the way I want it, but, at times, it is disheartening to realize how poor humanity's behavior really is as negative results are commonly assumed.

My recent behavior in deflecting negativity and disappointment can likely explain my social detatchment from my friends and females, each represents raveled irritation and pain. It should come easier, but it doesnt; the exercise is so exhausting, and draining. It might mean it's not healthy. It might mean that it's just hard to assume the worst of people. It goes against all teachings, beliefs. Is it worth it? To assume the worst of people? I wonder if the saying expect the worst, receive the worst has any merit. I wonder if doing so will prevent me from being happy. Well, its a state of mind I've practiced for a while now. I can't tell what the depression stemed from. Is it idiopathic? Is it caused by this mindset of assuming happiness related to people does not exist?